Some Personal Thoughts …

I’ve been haunting Twitter these past days, since the rape hit the headlines (or didn’t) – the Christian Porter thing, and so on. Feeling triggered for sure, but concerned more for those who aren’t a fortunate as me, (I have family and friends who truly love and support me, even if they don’t know about the extent of abuse I’d had as a younger person.

The comment below is a tweet I sent ‘out there’ earlier today, and it is the truth of how it is for me. As I said, I have support, but there are so many women, and men, suffering too right now, ones still being abused, and or with ongoing emotional, physical, and mental problems caused by the abuse. Raping someone is abuse, slut shaming women and girls is abuse. hitting is abuse, choking is abuse, punching or slapping is abuse. There are so many ways to abuse others, and it does terrible damage to a person, to be so treated …

“I’m having more and more memories crawl out of that dark hole I’d buried them in from my childhood, teen, and very young adult years. But luckily, I have good family and friends for support. My heart aches for all going through the horror of this, alone. Find help now, please.”

I have used creative writing to help me to work my way through the issues I had faced as that child, teen and young woman. I didn’t get any formal support for a long time, then had did a workshop that was useful and before that had written the poetry collection that bears the same name as this blog. This is a book, written and put together from the early times through the then present around 2010, when I had the collection published.

I’m pleased to have shared this collection with others, who know, because they’ve been and still are victims. I thought, up until the day, that I was no longer a victim, I was a thriver, but the truth of it is I am and always will be a victim of sexual abuse. My un/subconscious ,mind and my body know it, even if I might try to pretend otherwise in my conscious mind. I won’d do that any more, I’ve been feeling the truth of it, with those memories crawling out again …

I’ll do my best to go on thriving though, because I deserve that, I’ve seen Hell, and I don’t want to see that any more, if possible. I hope everyone suffering right now gets the help they need, as I said in my Tweet. We all deserve it!

ReplyForward

So Much Abuse, There’s No Excuse!

The more I wander around the online world, the more I see stories of abuse of children. Today there was a news post on the television too, talking about the amount of abuse of children in the Northern Territory. On the TV, on Facebook, on Twitter, in conversations between friends, the stories of these horrendous cases of abuse are there, it’s impossible to keep away from them, unless one puts their head in the sand and refuses to look at the truth.

Telling me the offender had bad things happen to them too, as a child though, that may make me a little more inclined to give an offender some sympathy. But any adult of moderate intelligence at least, should understand the basic fact that sexually abusing children is not only an awful and disgusting thing to do, it is also against the law.

So a bad upbringing might impact on a person, in terms of what they may be willing to do. A person may have not been taught good behaviour, by the adults in their lives, but surely the education system, the media, and their peers should give them lessons in living a morally good life. If you think of children, and see them as possible sex objects, then you are not thinking the correct way about children.

Children learn their own behaviour from every thing they see and do. Adults in a child’s world all have a role in helping that child to learn. I hope all children only have good adults in their lives, teaching them good things, things that will help the child to become a good person, one who tries to do the correct and moral thing. Choices are ours to make, be a good person, be kind, help instead of hindering. It shouldn’t be that difficult to follow those guidelines.

Ways to Ease the Pain

Now, I’m not saying here I have all of the answers to healing the pain from abuse. We are all different and suffer and I hope heal, in different ways. I just know what worked for me, and I share that with the hope it may offer hope for others.

Healing occurs in set ways, but not in set time frames necessarily. And healing won’t occur if you continue to damage yourself through self-blame, or not caring for yourself. Looking after yourself, giving yourself the chance to look at what has happened in a non-judgemental way helps.

Talking with others who truly know and understand can help. Professional help can certainly play an effective role here too. I never received professional help to aid mt in my healing process. Instead, I fell into creative writing. This helped me to heal from the damage I’d received as a young child, and later on too. I went through different phases of recovery, from hiding from the truth (denial), to anger, and then on to acceptance and recovery.

In my anger stage, I was able to confront the abuser (in my fiction writing). I have two short stories I particularly love, because the main character in the stories stands up the villain of the story, and gives that bad guy exactly what he deserved. It felt so good to write those stories, it was incredibly healing. 

Once that phase was done, I felt I didn’t necessarily need to follow that path any more, and I began to reach out to other people who were hurt and unable to find relief. Talking with other damaged people (women), sharing stories with them, listening in non-judgemental ways, these have helped me, and helped the women I was talking with.

I went on to write more poetry that dealt more with these issues, much happier poetry, where I talk with others, and we all end up with happier stories to tell, stories where we are beginning to understand that this abuse we suffered was not our fault.

I then put all of these poems into a collection, published that work, and am now happy to be sharing my journey with others. The feedback I have had from others reading my words has been positive, and humbling. When other people tell me my words have helped them, I can feel the hard part within melt, and I am happy with that other person and with myself. 

There is still much to do. Women and children are still being abused, and the services there to help them are being cut back by our Federal government at the moment. There are still people out there to help in small ways though, people like me, who will listen to the stories and offer support, by listening and believing the story-teller.

Damaged children can be nurtured and made into precious gems, with the gentle rub of kindness.

Royal Commission on Institutional Child Abuse

This Royal Commission is bringing out so many stories of abuse in Australia, and I hope there is healing for the now adults who were victims of Child Abuse in institutions. Schools and teachers would be the place where children learn the things they should know to move on in life, toward adulthood.

Learning about sex and self-hatred, abuse of office and the ripping up of usual cultural norms of protecting children, these are not things children should be learning at school. When those ‘in charge’ are involved in abuse, both physical abuse, mental abuse, and sexual abuse, then the lessons learned by students are not the lessons set out in the school curriculum.

It was a brave thing for the then Prime Minister of Australia to do, but Julia Gillard did it, and many victims are now able to gain a forum to finally tell their story and have actions taken against the ones who abused them. This ‘telling their story’ issue is an important one. Many children who have been abused have tried to tell of their abuse, but been ignored, or called liars. To finally be able to speak out, to those who will listen and take action when and if necessary can be a wonderful thing.

When an adult has had such terrible things done to them, things that those in charge should have a role in protecting them from, but in fact do the complete opposite thing, that can be an emotionally crippling thing. Speaking out is a fine thing, but there can be costs there too. Speaking out can bring back to mind things that have been hidden away, and these things can certainly hurt.

Speaking out or writing about these things can be the only thing that can help an abuse person. I have found the writing of poetry and ‘fiction’ has been useful to me. Being able to write down some of the many issues abuse can bring with it ways to ‘deal with’ things, when before, the one abused felt absolutely unable to do anything at all. The writing of my poetry collection ‘Damaged Children Precious Gems’ was a positive step for me from being a victim of child abuse, to being a survivor. Sharing this book with others has brought some relief and understanding for them too.

I hope there are adequate avenues for the further protection of all of these brave people who are stepping up and telling their stories. The website for the Royal Commission has links to appropriate groups. If you are suffering and need help because of these issues, please seek the help you need.

A first avenue for the seeking of help may be something as simple as talking to other people about it. This can be confronting, but I know from personal experience that the relief from finally talking about this abuse can have good and healing effects. Hiding dark things inside yourself is not a good thing to do. Please find ways to talk with others who care and can help you, whether simply by listening as you talk, or by helping you to take further action.

There are people in the world who care about you. Please always believe that.

Vigilante Action, or Just Plain Murder?

I was reading today about the death of a South Australian man, one previously convicted of child sexual abuse charges. This issue touches me closely, have been a victim, many, many years ago, as a child. I have no idea how I would have felt if my abuser had been murdered. I do admit that I’m glad he’s now dead, and has been for many years.

Child abuse is such a sensitive issue. There are many people who have suffered from this terrible crime, many who have yet to find a peaceful place in their hearts and minds. These victims, quite rightly want to see justice for themselves. So often though there is no justice available.

So do I feel the murder of this man can be justified if it was done in response to his previous abuses? No, I don’t think that. The man was charged, and he did what our justice system said he had to do. He was on a good behaviour bond. I’m not sure about that, I don’t know enough about his case.

He’s dead now. I’m sorry for his family, particularly his sister who found him dead …

This is a story that must be told, and told, and told again.

I just found this article when it was posted on Facebook. It makes my heart ache to read these words. I know this girl’s story, I lived it, in part, I’m so lucky that I have and had good family who cared for me, and helped me to grow the resilience I’ve needed to continue to grow emotionally.

So many children suffer at the hands of so many adults, who are quick to point the finger of blame at the ones they should have been protecting. When society joins this finger pointing at the victims, the children, what hope is there?

Please, read the article and consider the words. Children are children, no matter how adult they may appear. Be a responsible adult and consider the best needs of the children…

A Magistrate? Terrible news!

I heard/saw this story on the news today. 

Magistrate admits to sexually abusing boys in the 1980’s

It made me so sad that someone whose job in part is to help victims to find justice, would do this terrible thing.

I hope this man spends his time in prison thinking about his poor victims, and is ashamed and deeply sorry for what he has done. I can’t imagine how anyone could possible think this is something they should do. 

What hope is there in our world when a magistrate will do this terrible thing? The only hope is that there are many more people who can see the wrongness of this man’s actions, and speak out against it.

Let children be children.

Finally, something big is going to happen

People living in Australia will have heard about the proposed Royal Commission into Child Sexual Abuse. I hope it works out well for the thousands of people who’ve been carrying the burden of what happened to them years and years ago.

As I’ve said elsewhere on this blog, I too was sexually abused as a child. My abuser wasn’t a person who would fit the conditions for this governmental commission. My abuser was a person somewhat connected to my family, but was not a relative. He was in a position where he should have taken care of me though, not abuse me in the way he did.

He’s dead now, an old man when I knew him, an old and nasty man. I never liked ‘Uncle Les’ as he was named to the grandchildren he came into contact with. He’s gone now, and I’ve worked to feel better about what happened to me. I know it wasn’t my fault, I was a child, with little power. He was an adult with too much power, that he abused.

Children should always be able to feel safe with adults. Sadly, too many times, for too many children, that isn’t possible. I hope many damaged children can find solace from this Royal Commission, and can become the precious gems they should have the right to be.

How Can These Things Happen?

The idea that people in charge of the safety of children can be paedophiles fills me with horror. There should always be ways to make sure things like happened in this case never happen.

In an ideal world this would never happen, but every day one sees things that prove this is far from being a perfect world…

 

On being Interviewed on film for the first time.

I did something this morning, something I’ve never done before – I had an interview by a student doing Film & Television at Uni. My name was suggested by the student’s father as being a suitable person. Fun – there were three of them, filming the hotel where we did the interview, and filming and me. These three young people were polite and respectful, and well as seeming to be knowledgeable in dealing with all of the equipment they used.

The interview has been edited and put on You Tube now – it’s here!

I answered questions about my poetry collection, ‘damaged children Precious Gems’, and talked about my current writing project, which is a memoir about my new life, living with MS (multiple sclerosis). I enjoyed doing this for a variety of reasons.

The first reason is I think it’s important to talk about these kinds of personal things. If I can reach out with my story, and get them to talk to others who understand, then they can be helped. Talking about bad things that have happened to you can help you to build strength in yourself. It can help you to build a network of others who can help to support you too.

I encourage people to reach out to victims and survivors and help them or let them to help you. People love to help people – it’s a human thing that should be encouraged and practised whenever possible. I encourage people to use creative writing too, whether it’s writing a journal, poetry, non fiction or anything else. Narrative therapy is a recognised method of assisting people to understand the importance of their own personal story.