What is this obsession about ‘Closure’ anyway? Things happen, we get over them and move on. No need to tick some box called ‘Closure’ before we can move on. And even if you think you’ve ticked that Closure box, reality can creep up behind you and kick you in the bum so hard you won’t know what or who did it.
I’m thinking ‘Closure’ is a New Age thing, that wants to sell us something called closure without any thought to how people actually truly manage to deal with the bad things in life.
There is no Closure box to be ticked for grief, or heartbreak, or any other emotional loss. These things take time, and this Closure thing seems to be trying to convince us otherwise.
A tree doesn’t seek ‘closure’ …
The creation of this Blog, and the publishing of the book that happened around the same time, these were items in my lifetime that helped me to move forward along my path of healing. I am so glad I was able to create these avenues to connect with others who are travelling their own similar path.
I have never thought the creation of this blog, and this book, meant I had achieved ‘Closure’, as if that meant I was finally ‘healed’ of the emotional distress I have had in my life from my initial abuse. There is no such process that works like that, where you can simply go tick, closure done, all good now.
All it could take is that smell, combined with that scared feeling, and then that creepy hug and kiss, and oh, no, it all comes back to me. Yes all these years after the abuse, and the things that occurred when I was a teen, the feelings of being a victim who is unable to be safe, can come back.
I have found a great life, with the man I love, we have a great son who is doing well in life, and I have a career that brings me, if not loads of money, at least much enjoyment in life. I have great friends, I do great things in and for my community, and life is good. But I haven’t ‘found Closure’.
Instead, I have lived and I have learned and I have developed understanding and resilience, so that I am able to deal with these things that can arrive when things in life go seem to be heading toward bad ways.
I have read that this whole ‘Closure’ thing is a marketing ploy, so we will all try to find the thing that will bring us ‘Closure’, as if that is a thing you can get at a workshop, in a book, in a store, or in any other way outside of ourselves.
The thing we’re trying to find isn’t that kind of outer thing, the thing we’re after is something inside of ourselves more, I think. It’s something that maturity, understanding and insight can bring to us, if we are open to it. It may be like happiness, a thing that is always there, waiting for us to be in the right frame of mind, and the right time and place for it, before we can feel it.
Mindset is an important aspect of all of this. If one cannot have that openness to what becomes our new truth, and indeed, if one thinks ‘Closure’ is something that comes from outside of us, then one’s mindset may well actually prevent us from ever being able to achieve that magical closure thing, in any way.
You may do the course, and tick the box, but still feel dissatisfied with the life you’re having. This can lead to self-blame, and anger at yourself, and at others. But it may be because you are looking in the wrong places for understanding, love, acceptance, and healing.
Settle back, look around inside of yourself, think about what you love, what you like and don’t like, change some things, accept or not as appropriate, learn and move the way that looks like it will feel right for you. If you can’t see any improved way, don’t worry, but continue with life anyway, and be open to all. It will come, of you let it …
It isn’t ‘Closure’ you need, it’s friends, family, things to be proud of, things you love to do, things you have planned, lots and lots of things, including, most importantly, a feeling that you are important in this life, that you can make a difference and have meaning in life.
Missy doesn’t search for closure, she makes sure she has great things in her life, and she cherishes them …
The article at the link above prompted some of these thoughts, but really, I feel like this article has been brewing inside of me for some time.
Meaning in life isn’t a thing you work toward and then achieve, so you can give it a tick – it’s a thing to work toward, seking to achieve, and that will be with you for the rest of your wonderful life!
I’d love to hear what others think about this.