Happy Mothers Day to the Damaged Ones


Mothers Day can remind us of the times in our lives when we wanted a loving mother to hold us and comfort us, but she wasn’t there for us. Whether the reason was because she was no longer in your life, or her ‘motherly ways’ were not in evidence, your mother was unable to give us the mothering we needed when we were damaged by our abuser/s.

But even though your mother wasn’t there then, I hope you are now in a better position with your mother, or with your thoughts on how she gave you new skills, how your own abilities increased, or how other people came into your life to give you some solace in your mother’s absence. If you are a mother yourself, you know how damned hard it can be at times.

Mothers live with the pain, the panic, the joys that pregnancy and then bringing a new person into the world. Sometimes though, the joys can take a very long time to arrive, and the pain and panic seem to rule our world. I hope that you are always able to find other people who truly understand what you are going through, and who can hold you so that the crumbled pieces of yourself stay together, until the internal glue of the love you feel for your child manages to stick your pieces firmly together.

safetalk

This process can take so long at times. I know I was a mother for nearly five years before I began to feel I really was nearly the mother I’d told myself I would be, while I was pregnant. I was going to be the best mother in the world. Instead, I’m a ‘near enough is good enough’ mother, and nearly twenty-five years after my son’s birth, that’s all I have to be. Perfection is overrated, and no-one can be a perfect mother, the creature doesn’t exist, I don’t think.

If we didn’t have a good, or good enough mother, that can make the whole ‘becoming a mother’ process harder, because you can’t follow what she showed you, because she didn’t herself know how to do it. If that’s the case, I hope you can find others who can show you, through how they deal with their own children, a good way to go with your own child, knowing though that each child is unique.

Loving your child, and yourself, doing the best you can, and seeking and accepting help, these things can help all of us mothers. We can join together in a band of motherhood, and be forces for good, because no-one does ‘good’ as well as a good mother does!

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Feeling Proud


When I think about some of the things I’ve done in my life, I cringe, and could be sad. But then I think about some of the other things I’ve done in my live and I am proud, and being able to be proud of things I’ve done makes me very happy indeed!

We’re all human, and we all make mistakes sometimes. We get in contact with people who do bad things to us, or maybe lead us astray. All we can do is to keep trying to remember ourselves when we are doing good things, feeling happy, and not at odds with our wants and needs. And surely we all want to be able to be proud of ourselves, every now and then, if not all of the time. Remembering my early years, there are things there no-one should be proud of, but I have matured, and I hope become a better person than I could have been.

Today I have done two things, both of them related to each other. I’m very proud of myself for one of those things, but I’m not proud of myself for the other one. Some people would downplay their pride for the good thing they did, but get stuck into themselves for the other thing, the one they’re certainly not proud of. Not me though.

I am the editor of a monthly newsletter, the Mallala Crossroad Chronicle. I am in charge of putting it together, sending it off to be printed, and then distributing it. Today I finished doing the February issue of the Chronicle, and sent it off to be printed, early, and looking great, if I do say so myself! So yes, I’m definitely proud of myself for this.

The Chronicle started in 2004, when I was working for the Mallala Economic Development Board. This was the first newsletter I’d ever been involved in producing, and even though I was working on it with someone else, I could see we were doing good work. The Chronicle was two pieces of paper back then, printed on both sides, and distributed to various places in the town of Mallala.

These many years later, I’m the person doing this job, with many people providing material to me, via email, or from me finding or writing up things I feel the people of Mallala might be interested in. It’S a volunteer job, done in a professional manner, most of the time. Today though, after sending off the Chronicle, I received the email that could have cut me down again, if I’d let it. I was alerted to an article that was sent to me at the end of January, that was intended to go into the February issue of the Chronicle.

I checked my emails, and yes, there it was, sitting there waiting for me … Oh, dear, what to do? Well what could I do, it was too late to stop the presses, so I immediately sent a message to this person, whose assistance I value, a email apologising for my error in leaving this article out. I didn’t tell myself off, too much, but I did chide myself a little, and I hope this incident will help to encourage me to be more careful about checking my emails in the future.

So yes, I am human, I make mistakes, but I never try to blame other people, simply accept that I have erred, and apologise, as anyone surely should do. And I am able to forgive myself for my error, and hope the other person will forgive me too.checkered stobey

To Forgive is Divine?


Some things may seem unforgivable, until you talk to the wrongdoer. Other things are easy to forgive, because we’ve done the same kind of thing ourselves. Do I believe to forgive is divine? Well no, I can’t do that, not in the strictest sense of the word divine. I don’t believe there is a God, or there are more than one God. I don’t believe there is any God, and the word divine, in the original sense means ‘from God’, or ‘relating to God’.

I do believe that it is important to carefully consider the things that happen, whether good things or bad things, and think further on the intention of the relevant person, and why they did something that impacted strongly on you. Some people may do unexpected good or nice things for you, but they have an ulterior motive for doing so. That would mean you shouldn’t be too grateful to them, if they benefit from the thing too.

And if someone does something that harms you, that can be even harder to forgive someone for. But of course, if the wrongdoer is or at least appears to you to be sorry, well then if you can find it within yourself to forgive them, it’s a good idea to do it. Carrying the burden on not liking someone because ‘they done you wrong’, can be a heavy burden to carry, whether you realise it or not. I know from my personal experience, finding the ability to forgive in the past has eased my mind.

clover burrs

(not sure if I can forgive these clover burrs! haha)

Forgiving is one thing, but forgetting can be exactly the wrong thing to do. I will never forget, but in remembering, I will also remember the circumstances, and the reason why and how I was able to find the strength to forgive. I certainly feel morally better for being able to find that forgiveness, and I feel better about myself too. Holding onto the feelings of outrage over this thing was actually causing me stress, which I hadn’t realised until that forgiveness occurred, and I felt hugely relieved. That was a strong lesson to me indeed.

When a person has a chronic illness, stress can be even worse for them than it can be for other people. I know I don’t cope well with stress, and will try hard to keep my life a stress free one. That doesn’t mean I won’t do things that may be difficult, or new, or even a bit worrying, no, it just means I will find ways to make it easier for myself, and have others involved who know what’s happening too, just in case. Having people around who I know I can rely on is one of my important guards in my life. Friends, family, others who know me and my limitations, that makes my life easier, and so more enjoyable for all.

So if I get overexcited and say or do the wrong thing, I hope others will try to forgive me, and I would try to forgive them, for the betterment of all!